| 21 Reasons Why The English Language is The Best |
[Jan. 24th, 2012|01:09 am] |
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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[Dec. 31st, 2011|11:50 am] |
[Private to Melinda Bobbin]
I just noticed that the book you got for me was signed. How in the name of Alfred Douglas did you manage that? |
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[Dec. 16th, 2011|01:51 pm] |
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Have no fear, my friends. Having a mangled and destroyed wrist shall not affect my dancing this evening in the slightest! |
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[Dec. 7th, 2011|12:51 am] |
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I have an idea. |
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[Nov. 23rd, 2011|11:01 am] |
Has anyone ever been knocked unconscious? I mean, full out dead to the world unconscious?
It happened to me one time when I was about six years old, or so. There was this hill behind Stouts Hill (obviously) and in the winter when there was enough snow we'd all take out our sleds and head down the thing at break-neck speeds. It was a brilliant hill, huge and all that.
It was actually a bit not worth it. I mean, you're on the sled for about two seconds, sliding down and then it takes a good ten minutes to plow back up the devil of a thing.
So anyway, I guess to make the whole experience just a little bit more interesting, some of the older boys had made a bit of a jump at the bottom of the hill with packed snow--but after a could thaws and freezes the fecking thing was a solid block of ice. Of course, because it was white like the rest of the snow (once again, obviously) it was impossible to see where it was from the top of the hill.
And I think you all know where this story is headed (ha ha) so to cut to the chase, I go over the bloody jump--or at least I half go over it and half hit the jump gingerhair first and blacked out entirely.
Honestly when I came around it was like the movies! I was staring up at a circle of people who were all bent over me waiting to see what would happen. I was driven straight away to the hospital (I was also sick all over everything) I was super duper concussed. So, right, if anyone thinks there is a bit of a dodgy business to my manner of thinking--I really was dropped on my head in my youth.
Or at least, something like it. |
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[Nov. 16th, 2011|01:51 am] |
[Colin Creevey]
IT NEVER RAINS BUT DOES IT POUR! |
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[Nov. 6th, 2011|04:31 pm] |
[Private to Melinda Bobbins]
...Hey, so are you all right? Lot to take in with everything Dumbledore said, just thought I'd check. |
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[Nov. 3rd, 2011|10:00 pm] |
[Private to Colin Creevey]
Colin, I think I'm wrong about everything I've ever known or thought to be true.
I have a girlfriend. I think. Maybe. Somewhat. Sort of. Ish. I don't know how it happened. |
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[Nov. 3rd, 2011|12:15 pm] |
( Desiderata )
Hello again, world.
I've decided that--seeing as it's rather obvious that no one gives two piles of steaming dog waste about what is actually important, I'm going to go back to talking about the things that aren't. I'm also going to bring up what it is that gives me grey hairs.
I'm sixteen, and I've already found one, and would you like to know why? Would you really? Are you sure? Because it's probably your bloody fault.
FOUL LANGUAGE
I'm not talking about cursing or words that'll lose house points (though I am wagging a very disappointed finger at you, Alexander William) no-no, no no. What I am talking about is the abuse that these journals are being put through on a regular basis.
If I have to read one more entry where some no-brained twit patters on in run-on sentences I will scream. Generally, generally I don't care about the comma splices and the rape of semi-colons but it has gotten to a point where it hurts my heart to look at. Not because of the poor grammar--no, that I'll forgive--but it's because you actually think you sound smart
People don't talk like that, they never have and they never will. Oscar Wilde, who didn't invent the English language but I feel you'd be hard-pressed to find a man who put it to better use, didn't talk like that. The characters in the books by the Brontë sisters? They're characters--they're stylised! Why is it that no one else can see this?
Honestly. |
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[Oct. 27th, 2011|09:59 am] |
Thought I might do my part to help us all get into the 'spirit' of things? Hm?
The Only Ghost I Ever Saw
Emily Dickinson
The only Ghost I ever saw
Was dressed in Mechlin - so -
He wore no sandal on his foot -
And stepped like flakes of snow -
His Gait - was soundless, like the Bird -
But rapid - like the Roe -
His fashions, quaint, Mosaic -
Or haply, Mistletoe -
His conversation - seldom -
His laughter, like the Breeze -
That dies away in Dimples
Among the pensive Trees -
Our interview - was transient -
Of me, himself was shy --
And God forbid I look behind -
Since that appalling Day!
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[Oct. 24th, 2011|09:16 am] |
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The Gryffindor Common Room has sprouted Pumpkins! |
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[Oct. 17th, 2011|10:07 am] |
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People's priorities (or lack thereof) astound me. |
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[Oct. 5th, 2011|10:50 am] |
...Everyone knows that Lewis Carroll was a paedophile, right? We're all aware of that? I mean, I'm all for talking about the Bandersnatch--but what do you think it really meant, hm?
Creepy old wanker.
[Added later]
Additionally, when in the hell was it that messing about with children qualified as someone's 'personal life'. Merlin's balls, the world today. |
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[Sep. 29th, 2011|10:41 pm] |
Hey, Colin (and everyone else, I suppose)
I ought to be back at the school on Monday. That's the plansie anyroad. |
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[Sep. 23rd, 2011|09:52 am] |
So...
I've got nothing intelligent or witty to write here for a change. I do feel the need to point out, however, that people should stop being so bloody self-righteous in these journals because that really is my job--and I do it better, anyway.
I guess some of you noticed that I haven't really been at the school since Tuesday. I didn't want to gripe about my problems or whine and weep over journals because I'm grown up enough to know that no one really cares.
Anyroad, my father is an inventor and--long story short--there was a fire in one of his labs. He was injured, uh, bad, and it was all looking real grim until about yesterday but--seems he's going to be all right. I'm...probably not going to be back at the school, so Ginny, you're just going to have to play Quidditch without me--but besides that...
...I guess everything is really fine. Mostly. |
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[Sep. 20th, 2011|09:59 am] |
[Private to Colin Creevey]
Mum wrote to the school. She wants me to come home to...
I'm scared, Colin. |
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[Sep. 18th, 2011|01:36 am] |
[Private to Colin Creevey]
I need to talk to you. My dad had an accident. |
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[Sep. 13th, 2011|09:29 am] |
Oscar Wilde wrote the following on the cover of one of his manuscripts (which he submitted for publication): "I'll leave you to tidy up the woulds and shoulds, wills and shalls, thats and whiches, etc."
Language isn't about Grammar any more than painting is about paint. It's a tool and a step in the process but it isn't the be all and end all of expression and any asshole who thinks it is should probably just shut up--or at least learn a thing or two about comma splices.
Make your journal entries as grammatically incorrect as you like, people. They're yours for your thoughts and your feelings however it is you want to say them. If anyone doesn't like it, hit them over the head wit ha Jackson Pollock. |
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[Sep. 4th, 2011|11:21 am] |
[Warded to Jason & Colin]
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
I'm going to try and have a little sit down with Severus Snape, see if I can't get something out of him. I'd love to do an article on him for the papers because I'm still not entirely sure he isn't just a Victor Hugo character come to life--except he has a dungeon, instead of a bell tower.
...I may not come out of this alive.
[End Ward]
I think that being able to use a blow tube (blowpipe, blow gun) is a skill that I ought to posses. I feel like it's something that could come in useful in my day-to-day life.
Started to read Lady Chatterley's Lover, which was temporarily banned in the United States, the United Kingdom and Australia for violation of obscenity laws. I love reading banned books, it makes me feel like I'm doing something dirty.
Like sleeping with the gardener while my crippled-from-the-war husband sits around in his wheelchair getting bedsores on his arse. |
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| There is nothing so self-righteous nor so right as an adolescent imagination. |
[Aug. 31st, 2011|07:58 pm] |
Summer is gone; All the roses dying
Now there are books, quills and lessons to come!
So learn the tact for Transfiguration
The patience for potions, the knack for flying!
Practice makes perfect, so keep retrying!
(Though Severus Snape might think you're dumb)
Adventures all end when summer is done
NEWTS, tests, OWLS --all so terrifying!
But--perhaps it's an exaggeration
To say that all the fun dies at Hogwarts
With school comes new friends, (procrastination!)
And Quidditch, for insanity and sport!
From our peers and plight comes education
Just remember we need each other's support! |
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